I will defend my dissertation at the end of the month. I would say I am behaving with surprising confidence and detachment about this except that I have picked-at, bloodied fingertips to show me a liar. Anxieties notwithstanding, I do take it to be a good sign that I have begun dreaming little but real dreams for a post-dissertation future:
- I want to reread all the big, expansive Russian novels. And to read the ones I still haven't read. Maybe I'll even make the time to finally learn Russian. (Ok. That last will probably not happen for some time.)
- I am genuinely looking forward to some of the courses I am scheduled to teach this fall (even if I am putting off the preparatory reading that will make the classes go more smoothly).
- Oh! And Anna Akhmatova. I want to know everything about her, and I want to throw myself into her poetry.
- I am looking forward to reading philosophy with real curiosity again. Maybe even, dare I hope it, with less shame.
I ought to add to this list any time things pop up. I don't want to forget.
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