accusations

I'm doing it again: imagining a silent court of invisible accusers.
Always people I know, people in my life or just outside it. How they judge me!
(in my head, that is. In my head, these people judge me harshly, they criticize everything I do in the moment that I do it. In my head, that is.)
Accused, I defend myself against them.
(My self-apologia are quite eloquent while they last)
Or, sometimes, I simply endure their saying what I know to be unjust and untrue.
(Oh, how queenly I am! How patient! How humble!)
Or, sometimes--sometimes I remember that none of it has actually happened and I whisper this to God.
Lord, I am doing it again: I am imagining my silent court of invisible accusers.
I am imagining this and it has not happened.
I am putting accusations into the mouths of unguilty people.
Oh, there I go, I just did that again, and I didn't even notice.