spinsterhood and housekeeping as sacred work

I am a woman who lives alone and there are times, I readily admit, when I envy my partnered or otherwise cohabitating friends the privilege of the division of domestic duties. I must do everything for myself, of course. (Yes, you must read that with as much melodrama as you can muster.) There is only me to take out the trash, only me to scrub the toilets, only me to cook the meals, and to scrub the dishes when it is all over. And that on top of all the work I do to earn my keep and pay my bills. Oh, woe, heaviest woe, is me!

For a very long time, I have imagined that, if only I had someone else to care for, all my domestic chores might become sweet to do. Scouring pots and pans, bleaching the bathtub, bruising my knees to wash the floor would all be acts of loving sacrifice for my beloved. If only there were someone for whose sake I worked, then that work would be transformed into something noble, something worthy, something I could desire to do.

Instead, I am the one for whom I work. All my work is for me, for my well-being, for my happiness, and for my pleasure. For a very long time, this has felt very selfish. I am too insignificant to be such a reason or a recipient of my own care.

Just today, however, a different kind of thought occurred to me. Every day, I have endless opportunities to show myself kindness and love. There is no one else to do these chores, and so, eventually I have to do them, even if I do them badly or incompletely. After all, I only have this many plates and this many mugs; this many sheets or that many pairs of pants--eventually I must wash them as I will have to use them again. This means I can never go too long without caring for myself. Every bit of washing up, cooking, putting away, or tidying up is a reminder that I am also worthy of such care. I am learning that caring for myself in these life-affirming ways is not selfishness, and it is no small accomplishment to see this. And when I look around me and see my bed made, my refrigerator full of delicious food, the floor swept, etc., etc., I see that I am lovable, and that I am loved.